About…

COMMISERATIONS….. You have stumbled upon the website of Bentley P Peabody.
My name is Scrivens: Peabody’s dogsbody. It is I that shall be your host for the duration of your visit and I run this website with an iron rod – so no messing about. Click the following link NOW to go straight to Bentley Broadcasting: BBC for Bentley’s visual output. For Radio Bentley press HERE, no, over a bit. That’s right, HERE: RADIO BENTLEY  And lastly, if you haven’t found something more interesting to do by now, there is Bentley’s Flea Market, where he will try and lure you into purchasing his various wares by clicking here: BENTLEY’S FLEA MARKET
For the latest news, please click “Home” above. The Home page doubles as one of those horrible blog things which, no doubt, I will be expected to update from time to time.

 

 

We’ve been close friends for years now, sadly.
You must have realised that I suffer fools gladly?

 

 

 

Bentley P Peabody calls himself a “humorist” and has asked me to let you all know that you can see samples of his work on YouTube, as well as elsewhere on this site. If you haven’t already done so, get thee to YouTube and take a peek. There are usually around 10 or 12 at any given time and you may subscribe to him if you wish. (I’ve had to sit through them God knows how many times and I don’t see why I should be the only one to suffer.)
Between you and me, I hate Peabody. I like nice humour, as I’m sure you do, not this weird stuff he comes up with. If it wasn’t for the unfortunate circumstances that lured me into his services, I would be putting up my own site with proper jokes and so forth but for now, you’ll just have to put up with this Bentley stuff.
Sincerely, Scrivens

Don’t Forget The P

 

 

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Bentley Broadcasting

Welcome to the BBCBentley’s Broadcasting Corporation.  (BBC? He’ll never get away with that. Who does he think he is? More like “Bentley’s Broadcasting Crap” -Scrivens) Put your slippers on. Put your feet up. And relax. This is the page where you may watch Bentley’s visual output. Here, you will find some website exclusives and some old favourites, linked directly to Bentley’s chums at YouTube. If you would prefer to hear Bentley (rather than watch this filth – Scrivens) click here and go directly to Radio Bentley: RADIO BENTLEY

First up, a few YouTube videos:

Now some website exclusives. (According to Bentley P Peabody, the following amusement caused a friend of his to wet himself laughing. Personally, I doubt he has any friends. – Scrivens)
WARNING: The following contains a “naughty” word. Click play to watch:

(Then, of course, there is this unspeakable nonsense of alleged “post-modern irony” about the delightful Jordan, one of Scrivens’ greatest heroes!) Click play to watch:

(Click the following link to watch Bentley at it again. It’s not my cup of tea at all, to be honest, but it takes all sorts, I suppose -Scrivens) Click play to watch:

So Long Semicolon Kindle Edition_html_19ddd33dSo Long Semicolon Kindle Edition_html_19ddd33dSo Long Semicolon Kindle Edition_html_19ddd33dSo Long Semicolon Kindle Edition_html_19ddd33d

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Radio Bentley

This is the page for Bentley’s audio output. Click on the links to hear Bentley’s humorous recordings. (Shame it isn’t Bentley Free Radio -Scrivens) Also included here are a sprinkling of amusing scribbles to peruse while you wait for the recordings to load. (If you would like to hear Bentley, and frankly, I can’t think of anything worse, you might like to hear him recite his painfully juvenile Hatty Japes:  (Warning: “rude” word alert) Click here to begin: HATTY JAPES
(If, like me, you thought that was vile, just wait until you hear him spout this next piece of spiteful nonsense.) Click here to begin: ODE TO VIRTUE
(Oh my God, now he’s instructed me to add this bit of drivel.) (Warning: “rude” word alert) Click here to begin: SAUSAGES
(You definitely won’t want to hear this next one unless you’re a complete masochist – Scrivens) Click here to begin: BURNING ISSUES
If you are in the mood to hear something a bit longer (though let’s face it, that’s highly unlikely if you’ve been forced to sit through any of the preceding recordings) you might wish to hear a Bentley monologue. Here he is, desperately trying to disguise his voice and pretend to to be a protester being interviewed on the street. Why bother? I ask myself. We all know it’s you Bentley! – Scrivens
Click here to begin: SPIDERS TO GO METRIC
(As far as I’m concerned, Peabody should be transported for writing the following filth – Scrivens) Hear it here: QUEEN SHOOTS CORGI BY MISTAKE

(While you are waiting three weeks for that lot to load up, here is some mindless prattle for you to absorb – Scrivens)
The Hare and the Porpoise
The Porpoise and Hare
Were having a race
Across the Sel de Mer*              (*sea salt)
These two old friends
Were salts of the earth
And near the end
(For what it’s worth)
The Porpoise yelled:
“I’ve spotted ground!”
-But far too late,
For the Hare had drowned
(That was for “the kids” apparently, as if any decent parent would let their children anywhere near this website. And NOW look who he’s having a go at! -Scrivens)

 

BENTLEY DOES FRY
Oh, give me a reason, please Stephen
Please Stephen, a reason why?
Society frowns upon us
And we must lead double lives
Is it because we are different?
They despise us, you and I?
For society outlaws homonyms
Like Peabody and Fry

 

 

 

 

Next up, there is a sketch called War of the Words (which is something that Bentley and I often used to have until I settled the problem by talking to him as little as possible) Click here: WAR OF THE WORDS
There’s also this, which you also won’t find on YouTube unless some swine has pirated it. Click here:  THE GODFATHER
I wish Bentley slept with the fishes. And if things weren’t bad enough already, Bentley P Peabody has now decided he can sing. Just listen to him caterwaul his way through this; helped of course, by his faithful band of backing singers Cretinous Vernacular. I can honestly say that I’ve strolled past more tuneful abattoirs.
Click here: I JUST PUNCHED A TOSSER IN A 4WHEEL DRIVE
I nearly resigned as Site Administrator over the following blasphemy, until I remembered the next payment was due on my HDTV – Scrivens
Click here: THE VICAR MAN

Fetishist Existentialist
Gripped once more
By the ice cold fingers of despair
I picked up an expensive set
Of silky ladies underwear
And although they did not cure me
Of the terrifying certainty
That one day I’ll be dead…
They made a nice sensation
On my balding head

Here he is again, trying to sing; once more with members of “cult” backing group Cretinous Vernacular. This, I feel, is a new low for Peabody, in that it clearly illustrates his xenophobia: Click here: SONGWRITER
As with “Bentley does Fry” several of the following may be found on YouTube but with the names cunningly changed to make it harder for you to find. (Another of Bentley’s bright “ideas”) So, if you would prefer to listen to some of Bentley’s YouTube and Vimeo efforts as recordings only, please click on the following links (I suggest you wait until your children have stopped screaming – Scrivens)
VAN    SHAKESPEARE    SCAT SESSION
Upon learning that fine Thespian Arnold Schwarzenegger (Peabody’s words, not mine- Scrivens) was giving up acting to go into politics, a very upset Bentley penned the following lament. Click here to listen: ARNIE

Beyonce
What the Hell kind of name is Beyonce?
I screamed hysterically at my fiancee.
She slapped my face, hard,
Then whispered gently:
“We can’t all have sensible names,
dear Bentley” xx

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Bentley’s Flea Market

This is the page where Bentley P Peabody sells his wares. (HAHA Some hope! – Scrivens) No high pressure selling. If you have enjoyed this website and would like to experience more of his unique humour and/or humor, this is the place to shop.
Now Available: So Long Semicolon A collection of Bentley’s funny wordplay, sayings and rhyming humour. A kindle edition is the only one available at the moment but the book will be coming out in paperback soon. Click the following link to go directly to a secure Amazon site: SO LONG, SEMICOLON

Now also available for kindle: WHY CHASE A CARROT? A collection of eccentric, humorous and downright surreal poems which includes the epic: “Twas The Night Before Pay Day” after the famous Christmas poem, now transformed into a night of terror and hilarity as one man attempts to buy a round of drinks for his colleagues on the eve of payday.


Coming soon:
DON’T FORGET THE P a collection of his humorous scribblings for children.

And after that, if not before:
His first novel AN ENGLISH HERITAGE will be hitting the bookshelves.

Bentley also hopes to record “Too Rude For YouTube” a collection of offensive nonsense in the near future. Hear your cherished heroes trashed by the ruthless Peabody.

To contact Bentley, please drop a line to Scrivens, Site Administrator here:
bentleyppeabody@yahoo.co.uk

Don’t forget the P

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why Chase A What?

He’s been at it again. If you’ve already checked out: BENTLEY BROADCASTING and: RADIO BENTLEY then head over to the FLEA MARKET and all will be revealed. (And subsequently, all will no doubt be reviled). Flea Market link in the usual place above. Good Luck, you’ll need it.

-Scrivens

You can easily access the rest of the website from HERE: ABOUT BENTLEY P PEABODY

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AT LAST!

Apparently, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Yes, here it is. I told you not to hold your breath and thank God you didn’t. Now available from the hateful Amazon, a Kindle version of Bentley P Peabody’s writing:

So Long, Semicolon

Go and buy it if you must, but whatever you do, just go. I’ve got far better things to do than hang around this website.

-Scrivens

You can easily access the rest of the website from here: ABOUT BENTLEY P PEABODY

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COME BACK!

Scrivens here again. Three months, roughly, since the site opened for business and I must say, I think I’m doing a fantastic job (not that I’ve had any thanks from a certain Bentley P Peabody). Bentley Broadcasting Co  is up and running with several allegedly humorous videos to watch and Radio Bentley  has hit the airwaves, full of funny sketches if you like that sort of thing (and I don’t). Take it from me, it’s no fun being Peabody’s dogsbody and personally, I would prefer to sit around watching daytime TV but he’s been pestering me to say that he now has a Facebook page and something called a Twitter. So if you are extremely bored, and let’s face it, you would have to be to be bothered with all this, you know what to do! More soon. And…

Don’t forget the P

You can easily access the rest of the website from HERE: ABOUT BENTLEY P PEABODY

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WAIT! DON’T GO!

I know you are there. I heard the floorboard creak as you entered the site. This is the official website of Bentley P Peabody. My name is Scrivens, basically Peabody’s dogsbody, and I shall be your host while you peruse this site. Bentley has instructed me to administer this site and as soon as I’ve worked out what I am doing, I will be putting a lot more on it.

Check out the completed pages, place this website in your “favourites” folder, and call back soon.

Don’t forget the P

You can easily access the rest of the website by clicking HERE: ABOUT BENTLEY P PEABODY

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