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COMMISERATIONS….. You have stumbled upon the website of Bentley P Peabody.

HOME PAGE CURRENTLY UNDER RECONSTRUCTION
Don’t Forget The P

 

 

 

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Radio Bentley

This is the page for Bentley’s audio output. Click on the links to hear Bentley’s humorous recordings. (Shame it isn’t Bentley Free Radio -Scrivens) Also included here are a sprinkling of amusing scribbles to peruse while you wait for the recordings to load. (If you would like to hear Bentley, and frankly, I can’t think of anything worse, you might like to hear him recite his painfully juvenile Hatty Japes:  (Warning: “rude” word alert) Click here to begin: HATTY JAPES
(If, like me, you thought that was vile, just wait until you hear him spout this next piece of spiteful nonsense.) Click here to begin: ODE TO VIRTUE
(Oh my God, now he’s instructed me to add this bit of drivel.) (Warning: “rude” word alert) Click here to begin: SAUSAGES
(You definitely won’t want to hear this next one unless you’re a complete masochist – Scrivens) Click here to begin: BURNING ISSUES
If you are in the mood to hear something a bit longer (though let’s face it, that’s highly unlikely if you’ve been forced to sit through any of the preceding recordings) you might wish to hear a Bentley monologue. Here he is, desperately trying to disguise his voice and pretend to to be a protester being interviewed on the street. Why bother? I ask myself. We all know it’s you Bentley! – Scrivens
Click here to begin: SPIDERS TO GO METRIC
(As far as I’m concerned, Peabody should be transported for writing the following filth – Scrivens) Hear it here: QUEEN SHOOTS CORGI BY MISTAKE

(While you are waiting three weeks for that lot to load up, here is some mindless prattle for you to absorb – Scrivens)
The Hare and the Porpoise
The Porpoise and Hare
Were having a race
Across the Sel de Mer*              (*sea salt)
These two old friends
Were salts of the earth
And near the end
(For what it’s worth)
The Porpoise yelled:
“I’ve spotted ground!”
-But far too late,
For the Hare had drowned
(That was for “the kids” apparently, as if any decent parent would let their children anywhere near this website. And NOW look who he’s having a go at! -Scrivens)

 

BENTLEY DOES FRY
Oh, give me a reason, please Stephen
Please Stephen, a reason why?
Society frowns upon us
And we must lead double lives
Is it because we are different?
They despise us, you and I?
For society outlaws homonyms
Like Peabody and Fry

 

 

 

 

Next up, there is a sketch called War of the Words (which is something that Bentley and I often used to have until I settled the problem by talking to him as little as possible) Click here: WAR OF THE WORDS
There’s also this, which you also won’t find on YouTube unless some swine has pirated it. Click here:  THE GODFATHER
I wish Bentley slept with the fishes. And if things weren’t bad enough already, Bentley P Peabody has now decided he can sing. Just listen to him caterwaul his way through this; helped of course, by his faithful band of backing singers Cretinous Vernacular. I can honestly say that I’ve strolled past more tuneful abattoirs.
Click here: I JUST PUNCHED A TOSSER IN A 4WHEEL DRIVE
I nearly resigned as Site Administrator over the following blasphemy, until I remembered the next payment was due on my HDTV – Scrivens
Click here: THE VICAR MAN

Fetishist Existentialist
Gripped once more
By the ice cold fingers of despair
I picked up an expensive set
Of silky ladies underwear
And although they did not cure me
Of the terrifying certainty
That one day I’ll be dead…
They made a nice sensation
On my balding head

Here he is again, trying to sing; once more with members of “cult” backing group Cretinous Vernacular. This, I feel, is a new low for Peabody, in that it clearly illustrates his xenophobia: Click here: SONGWRITER
As with “Bentley does Fry” several of the following may be found on YouTube but with the names cunningly changed to make it harder for you to find. (Another of Bentley’s bright “ideas”) So, if you would prefer to listen to some of Bentley’s YouTube and Vimeo efforts as recordings only, please click on the following links (I suggest you wait until your children have stopped screaming – Scrivens)
VAN    SHAKESPEARE    SCAT SESSION
Upon learning that fine Thespian Arnold Schwarzenegger (Peabody’s words, not mine- Scrivens) was giving up acting to go into politics, a very upset Bentley penned the following lament. Click here to listen: ARNIE

Beyonce
What the Hell kind of name is Beyonce?
I screamed hysterically at my fiancee.
She slapped my face, hard,
Then whispered gently:
“We can’t all have sensible names,
dear Bentley” xx

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